Niko (anyshark) wrote,
Niko
anyshark

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i am so bored

well, what's new ? - the cold and hard truth - nothing much!!! i am sitting at home, i mean i am sick, some kind of fever, it's a virus, so i have to stay at home for a while. okay, to be honest, `'ve been away from school sonce last tuesday... and i am allowed to go to school again this friday - tomorrow. so that's not bad. quite sadistic isn't it? i am longing to go to school, even though i am complaining about the tons of homework and things like that! well i guess i am kind of a two-faced person. who cares!
well, but after having spend two looooong weeks at home without anything to do besides houseworks it just sounds awesome to be able to see all my friends again and those damned teachers taht i had soo much. oh, yeah, that's right, i've been doing housework, isn't that just so mean. i am sick for christ sake and my parents give me orders like do teh dishes, do the clothes washing etc. okay might be that they are just thinking poor little daughter has nothing to do, let's help her out a little bit. - thank you very much! very kind of you. so even these long days i could not really relax. but oh well, i hope now, that i am in school again, there won't be so many dutys waiting for me at home (: maybe i am lucky.
it's so weird but many people have been asking how i was doing what the matter was with me and how they could help. they just called and wrote little messages that was really nice of them and i am happy to know that there are some people out there who care about me. oh no, i am not depressive and i sure don't want any pity.
so i guess i relly SHOULD change the topic now before i am like dying in my own selfpity (i don't think this formulation exists in english, it's translated from German, so well, just hope you understand what i mean). i have the hugest crush on my boyfriend, still, he's just so cute, nice, caring and perfect. i am so afraid of teh day he will break up with me, i think that will kill me, well, at first, but still. i am just so insecure and he is so selfconfident. he knows exactly what he wants and now he is going to aachen and i am afraid we won't be able to see each other very often anymore... so i guess that's the real cause of me being so depressive. LOVE is so dangerous - it's without a doubt the most beautiful thing on earth but on teh other hand it's able to destroy a person completely and i think who loves is very easy to get hurt. so i was always trying to not fall in love but now i cannot do anything against it - i hate it!! well, that'S lif ei guess. i should enjoy teh wonderful time with him now and just wait and see what's coming next. i am worrying way to much! i am always interpreting stupid stuiff in things he is writing to me or saying and i am fter we've talked analysing EVERYTHING he has said and i have said...I am totally insane!
so well i you want to stay normal just get out of my journal....

...still there? okay that's what you wanted! *laughingdiabolical*

has anyone watched the french movie "Amélie" ? that was a huge success in france and in germany and i guess on generel in europe! there is a woman, the concierge and she still has a huge picture of her husband who has left her years ago to live with another woman. the concierge is so sad and angry with the world, she doesn't really live anymore she is already dead just doing her job like a zombie. it's so sad to see that, i think those things happen a lot and that's why love is so dangerous, powerful and strange. there's no chance to defend yourself against it. i always thought i was like ice, i couldn't melt for anyone and now i am here whining about my feelings when i rellay ought to be thankful for this great experience. forgot what i wanted to say, so i just quit writing... should be best right now...
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