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Saturday, May 17th, 2003
6:57 pm - stuff
i am at my boyfriend's house and since he has to do soe studying and i have done neough studying for calculus myself, i thought i should write something before ii fall asleep again.
the weather is sucky, it's all grey but it doesn't rain and i thinking about going for a walk... well, probably i will go anyways! wet t-shirt contest is waiting out there... uhm, ignore that...

this week i've been crazy enough to start atudying for a calculus test one and a half week in advance. i never did sth. like that for math even though i suck but this time we have like about 4 month material to study for. so i guess it has been a vice desicion-hopefully. i bet i am gettint this famous blackout right these two hours during the exam and then when that's over i'll know all teh fucking answers.. oh i am so pessimistic-the glass is always half way empty!!!

usually i don't like teh offspring anymore that much for i recognized especially americana sounds very , well, like one whole loong song but right now it's quite allright actually...

well this labtop seems to be a little broke it always uses to just break down, well and everybody knows the problems appearing at these situations for taht reason i'll just finish off before everything was for nothing...

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
4:36 pm - boring stuff
screw this day... i am so undecided what to do.... actually i would have to workout a presentation of a paper i have written about john f. kennedy but i am so unmotivaded. so i am listening to very loud led zeppelin music... nobody at home!!!
eating easter candy and complaining about me getting fat, do i sound depressed?

i tried to do the whole fucking laundry and then i just realized that some idiot (i am thinking it was my brother) has put so much more laundry into the laundry room, so i gave up, fuck them all!

i am just chewing on my candy, that's real good, i am so bored...
at least i am going to the movies tonight with a friend, she is really cool, we'll watch "my big fat greek wedding" in the original language: ENGLISH, yeah, so going to teh movies makes sense again. well i am exegerating but those synchronised movies... i don't know about it!!

school starts tomorrow so work is waiting for us again, yeah...
it's all so stupid, almost no perspective!
sorry i am not very philosophically today.

i've read teh journals i have been writing during my year in nebraska and those are really funny, i wish i could write like that again, but today i am not motivated enough i am afraid! it sucks...

current mood: annoyed

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Friday, April 4th, 2003
6:03 pm - no clue what i am gonna do
allright it's friday night and i got an invitation to a birthday party, an 18th birthday to be honest and hey with eighteeen you're an adult in Germany, you are allowed to drive the car, you're independent and free now! and thpose parties are so wild and now i am waiting for my dear boyfriend to give me a call if he is able to accompany me or if he's too tired from a 3 day exercise at work and rather wants to stay home, in that case i would, of course, stay with him since we've planned him staying over night at our house. i would love to go to that party just to see how that works and to get to know the people from my class a little better... but let's see. i would be soo crushed if my boyfriend just calls off the whole thing, i am now talking about the staying at my house part. i could understand that i am afraid he hasn't gotten any sleep or at least only little. but i would nevertheless be so mad at never. i am a girl so i am talking a little confusing ... oh in about 1 hour the party starts i haven't changed my clothes yet and he hasn't called yet, i HATE that, it's so damned spontaneous! well i like that but not when i am already invited and when i DO know what i want to do that night - complicated!

Led ZEppelin is more than cool, heartbreaker sounds a little like "After Dark" from Tito&Tarantula, well i know they muist have written it first for they .... oh just forget it it's so unimportant to talk about music when there is a war going on and thousands of innocent people get "saved" from a tyranny, well until they were killed of course, because of some accidental dropings of bombs on civilian houses...
hey that's great now and who inigiated the whole thing: yes: god, well a person who seems to believe or want to make a nation believe his country is acting in teh name of god, that's great...

current mood: discontent

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Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
9:29 pm - facharbeit or in english paper
allright then, a lot of stuff to do yet, i just got my facharbeits topic, it's john f. kennedy- an american myth!!! i am working with three books right now, i think two of which are very positive about kennedy and one which is VERY negative about him and robert kennedy, it's revealing kennedy's countless affairs with women as well as his connections to the chicago mob and the assassinations of three leaders of countries like the kongo, which were due to kennedy's orders. well very interesting the only sucky thing is that all three books are very controversial, they are all soo weird i think, i mean some are saying lee harvey oswald killed teh president others say NO, it was a conspiracy against the kennedies! well, neither th eone nor the other had been proven to be right, so it's difficult to base my paper on either one... well, whatever!!!

I' ve got a new album from green day, warning, oh how damn much i love the song : MISERY, it's sooo cool, it sounds a little like spanish caravan from the doors, i think!!!

current mood: awake

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Thursday, February 6th, 2003
4:47 pm - i cut my hair
i cut my hair, tried to work on my biology project, listened to punk and i am bored to death. tonight we will go to the movies and watch "catch me if you can" with everybody's little favorite casanova leonardo di caprio... well, titanic times are over and nobody really cares about him anymore, he lost on vitality and beauty. steven spielberg, tom hanks and him were at Germany's most popular show the other day and leo appeared in an awful looking sweater, one of those that look like they cost about
7.99$ at wal mart, if even that much... i was kind of disappointed but that's allright, i didn't like him anymore anyhow, so i just was shocked that someone, a big star, like him, would come to a country's most popular show without even caring about his outer appearence.
this weekend i have to work at a supermarket, i don't know teh english word for INVENTUR, we have to count the products. 6 euro per hour, so i hope we will have to work for a long time!!!

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
5:34 pm - zeugnis
so yes, teh day has come where i got my report card. my first one after i've been in the states for one year. well, allright it's not quite that bad, actually it's okay but i am still a little disappointed, i've been better before last year, iguess that's just because I've missed what they were doing over here when i wasn't here, so probably it'll get better next time (:

my boyfriend is not here anymore, i am dying every day, all i am thinking about is him and we'll see each other only in 3 weeks again, oh i HATE it!!! well, life is tough! at least i am sure that i have fallen in love with him now.- there are 3 steps of love in my opinion:
FIRST: to have a crush on someone
SECOND: to have fallen in love with someone
THIRD: to love someone
so now i've fallen in love and i have to be without him for 3 weeks, well, i've got tons of school stuff to do, so i guess that'll hold me occupied a little!!!

a lot of my friends have been on a school skying trip, i were supposed to go on that trip as well but how life goes i got sick and couldn't go! so all my teachers were talking about what they had heard about the snow in austria where all teh people were ... but now they are back and some of them even sent a postcard to me, i was sooo surprised and amazed, taht was really cute!!! and a good friend and i watched buffy episodes in english one whole afternoon and then another friend called and wanted to go to the cineme with me, i was soo happy, i felt like people actually like me. taht's something i ought to thank the americans for because in teh usa i learned to be more outgoing and then when i came back i just talked to like everyone - crazy. well of course only to the really nice looking people about whom i knew i would like. so that helped a lot by finding nice people to connect to... (god i am writting bull-shit, ain't i, and my english is getting soooo BAD! HELP! i fell like every sentence is wrong structured, DAMN IT!!!!) well, i just wnated to say that i am very happy right now!

current mood: bouncy

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Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
4:42 pm - i am sorry
alright i just want to explain something. i am so sorry that i've complained so much about teh dangerous power of love and how i am always worried about my boyfriend leaving me, so i am quiote stupid. i want to say that i am so incredibly happy right now and i could kiss teh world when i am together with him, i know that i am one of the luckiest persons in teh world for i have the luck to experience the feeling of being in love. it's like the best present ever. i am sorry for having written so negative i hope you can see that really i am just very thankful and happy about how my life goes right now, well besides me being sick but that's on teh way to get better. love to all
a very happy anyshark

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3:00 pm - i am so bored
well, what's new ? - the cold and hard truth - nothing much!!! i am sitting at home, i mean i am sick, some kind of fever, it's a virus, so i have to stay at home for a while. okay, to be honest, `'ve been away from school sonce last tuesday... and i am allowed to go to school again this friday - tomorrow. so that's not bad. quite sadistic isn't it? i am longing to go to school, even though i am complaining about the tons of homework and things like that! well i guess i am kind of a two-faced person. who cares!
well, but after having spend two looooong weeks at home without anything to do besides houseworks it just sounds awesome to be able to see all my friends again and those damned teachers taht i had soo much. oh, yeah, that's right, i've been doing housework, isn't that just so mean. i am sick for christ sake and my parents give me orders like do teh dishes, do the clothes washing etc. okay might be that they are just thinking poor little daughter has nothing to do, let's help her out a little bit. - thank you very much! very kind of you. so even these long days i could not really relax. but oh well, i hope now, that i am in school again, there won't be so many dutys waiting for me at home (: maybe i am lucky.
it's so weird but many people have been asking how i was doing what the matter was with me and how they could help. they just called and wrote little messages that was really nice of them and i am happy to know that there are some people out there who care about me. oh no, i am not depressive and i sure don't want any pity.
so i guess i relly SHOULD change the topic now before i am like dying in my own selfpity (i don't think this formulation exists in english, it's translated from German, so well, just hope you understand what i mean). i have the hugest crush on my boyfriend, still, he's just so cute, nice, caring and perfect. i am so afraid of teh day he will break up with me, i think that will kill me, well, at first, but still. i am just so insecure and he is so selfconfident. he knows exactly what he wants and now he is going to aachen and i am afraid we won't be able to see each other very often anymore... so i guess that's the real cause of me being so depressive. LOVE is so dangerous - it's without a doubt the most beautiful thing on earth but on teh other hand it's able to destroy a person completely and i think who loves is very easy to get hurt. so i was always trying to not fall in love but now i cannot do anything against it - i hate it!! well, that'S lif ei guess. i should enjoy teh wonderful time with him now and just wait and see what's coming next. i am worrying way to much! i am always interpreting stupid stuiff in things he is writing to me or saying and i am fter we've talked analysing EVERYTHING he has said and i have said...I am totally insane!
so well i you want to stay normal just get out of my journal....

...still there? okay that's what you wanted! *laughingdiabolical*

has anyone watched the french movie "Amélie" ? that was a huge success in france and in germany and i guess on generel in europe! there is a woman, the concierge and she still has a huge picture of her husband who has left her years ago to live with another woman. the concierge is so sad and angry with the world, she doesn't really live anymore she is already dead just doing her job like a zombie. it's so sad to see that, i think those things happen a lot and that's why love is so dangerous, powerful and strange. there's no chance to defend yourself against it. i always thought i was like ice, i couldn't melt for anyone and now i am here whining about my feelings when i rellay ought to be thankful for this great experience. forgot what i wanted to say, so i just quit writing... should be best right now...

current mood: annoyed

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Saturday, January 18th, 2003
2:37 pm - still alive and complaining about german schools
i am still alive, yes it does sound a little ... let's call it.... : surprising?!! but oh well, i hasd so much damn school stuff to do, german schools are just not the same as american ones... but who cares, we will still be studying until we're totally done and german schools will remain somewhere at the lower ranks in teh PISA studies, so why do we have to do all that ??? doesn't matter... gotta go... krystle are you satisfied i've been writing now!!!! (;

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Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
2:30 pm - IN LOVE
well, what should i say i am in love, it got me after all until this weekend i was thinking to be unable to fall in love!!!!
and now this...
okay, i'll start from the beginning sabrina a friend of me lives in that town i have lived before and i wanted to visit her last weekend so she suggested that the brother of a friend of hers could give me a ride home for he is stationed at the army here and lives there, his name is torsten. so yeah, he gave me a ride and he was soooo damn nice and funny and even looks very cute, i mean he has these beautiful hazelnut brown eyes and i just can't stop thinking about him!!!!! that night we went to a danceclub to celebrate his sister's birthday and he was there too, so we didn't really talk but we just smiled at each other... and when we left his friend whispered in my ear that i should not let him wait too long for he thinks torsten has a crush on me. that night i was hardly able to get some sleep and teh next day i felt awful i had headaches like crazy and at night we went in a near by pub and torsten was there again but we didn't talk at all, we just ignored each other and that night i was soooooo sad, i even cried!!! so next day, sunday, we drove home again and we had so much fun again and in the end he asked if i wanted to do something at the weekend!! well of course i did!!!! and on tuesday i got some short messages from him where he told me that he liked me very much and so we talkes on teh phone and today we are seeing each other again. well and i am sooo happy i can't stop smiling or dreaming i wasn't able to concentrate at all i was just plain happy!!!!
so now i am hoping everything will go allright, i am kind of scared that we don't really like each other or that he juszt doesn't like me and that my heart will get broken , oh damn i am so confused. i just really hope we'll get together, he is so awesome!!!
he does the same as my father helicopter pilot, well he is working on becoming one.
wish me luck for tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

current mood: loved

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Saturday, October 12th, 2002
3:52 pm - zurück in deutschland
i :" excuse me, is it allowed to take pictures?"
he :"you are very welcome to make photographs but you are not allowed to take the pictures."

that was in the louisiana in denmark, a museum of modern art (andy warhol's mao was in there)
i like the danish they are very calm, humorous and nice people.
so yes denmark was a success, we had a lot of fun (the standart sentence) but really it was cool, Kopenhagen is such a lovely city, and i think the danish are very hand-some people and nice and everybody looks like he is coming from a fashion show. they arte all so well-dressed - fascinating!!!!!
we played a lot of boardgames and visited many museums.

...and now teh real big, huge event in my life...
i went to a disco (night club) yesterday night and i had sooo much fun, they only played alternative songs, so that i actually danced (well, after my friends dragged me on the dancefloor) but seriously they played weezer, the vines, teh beatles, the strokes, placebo, jimmy eat world and so on and so on
wow, really i NEVER dance 'cause i look like a total idiot since i prefer moving against the rythm, i just cannot feel teh music, it's so damn embarassing but after i watched all teh others trying to dance i thought all germans trying to dance look like total idiot... but tzhat's allright, it'fun, something different, if all the people in teh world would be able to move to music in a perfect way there wouldn't be anyone to laugh about (;

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Saturday, September 28th, 2002
8:51 am - i wil be gone for two weeks now
yes, you have heard right i will be gone on vacation with my oarents the following two weks in denmark.
this is double uncool for going on fall vacation with parents is really not to be considered "cool" and then to Denmark (last time i went there, of course also during fall break, it's not cold enough in northern germany we have to go to denmark in the very north, i got very sick, so i really don't have the best thoughts when i think about denmark) where it is sooo cold in fall, "well at least we're living close to the beach" "yeah, great mom, what the hell does it bring me to have teh beach close by when it's too fucking cold to evenm lie there with a thick wintercoat???? but now a real cool point my friend comes with me so together we'll going to make it fun!!! my dear brother was also alowed to have a friend come with him!!!
so yeah that's the reason why i won't write the following weeks, well, but then i 've never written real regularly so i guess it doesn't matter...

love niko

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Saturday, September 7th, 2002
6:00 pm - finally
i have finally found some sparetime to write again (:
well, school is absolutely stressful but since i've become much more open i talk to so many people and i am just happy well okay except for the stupid school, oh i hate it my english teacher gave me a 2 for my english talking since i hardly ever do any mistakes but what i am saying about romeo and juliet is not enough i do not analyse enough and he thus gave me a 3 in my oral grade. oh i really don't like him, i spent one year in teh USA and all he can sayx is well you got a 3 ???? such an asshole... english is teh only subject i coulkd do better than others , the only subject i have an advantage in all teh other subjects i am miussing things they've talked about last year... and then i 've got such an awfully mean teacher that's just great.
and now i have to go downstairs to entertain some of my parent's friends.. don't ask..

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
2:42 pm
i had an interesting talk with a teacher from my school today, he tried to explain the übercomplicated kurssystem to me ... i don't know, i got now every subject i need but it's still a little strange all these necessary subjects etc.
i am in many classes with friends of me and only in German are people whom i don not know at all but another chance to get to know others...

adil called me yesterday.

the weather is soo hot rigtht now, i am soo sweating. yeah i am sure that's interesting to read. i just don't know what to wrire right now, shoot.
i guess i just go

current mood: indifferent

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Monday, July 29th, 2002
12:35 pm - finally
believe it or not but i got a card per e-mail from my frankfurt guy (what a discription of him (:) well, his name is adil, i don't know if i mentioned it already..
i am so in the mood for loud music but i don't know what to hear i am not in the mood for punk stuff or soft rock etc. inbetween would be nice. yesterday i discivered a reamon album that i must have bought before i went to the united states, not that bad, i mean for a mainstream kind of thing.

i watched shrek today in english soooo funny, i love it! i had to fold socks too so i decided to combine bad and entertaining, wasn't that bad that way (;

i hope to be able to convince my father of goping to media markt with me today, i'd love to buy teh bare jr. album... they are soooo awesome, especially their lyrics...

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Sunday, July 28th, 2002
5:30 pm - this is the last one, they are sooo much fun

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

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5:24 pm - and another one...

Which Buffy Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

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5:19 pm - surveys :

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

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5:04 pm - a sunny day in my little town

Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

allright folks,
what a sunny day here in germany, i cannot believe that it's actually over 30°C - awesome.
well, on thursday school will start and i am all freaked out about it, hihi. i hate the thought about it, i do not want to have school yet, aaahhhh (my favorite expression at the time)
i hope school won't be too exhausting but i am sure i'll have some major gaps concerning biology, history, french etc. what joy must that be to get it all stuffed and to study without a break, well allright i admit it i am exegerating extremely i should not do that, i'll wait and see, better?
the guy from frankfurt didn't write yet but that's allright he made me feel very good about myself for a time (:
tonight comes an awesome movie on tv a french movie, my father hates french movies they are to boring for him, i, myself, like them they are sylistic (does that word exist???)
and sad and so beautiful.
i can't believe it, my father and i went to media markt, a huge store in which you can buy computers, videotapes, DVDs, albums, washing machines, fridgeraters etc. and he saw the new bare jr. album and doesn't tell me... gggrrrr! well, now i got to convince him to drive me down there (only ten minutes) so i can see and buy it!!!!!! wish me luck.

nothing new here so i guess i'll go

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Friday, July 26th, 2002
11:09 am - finally time to write again
so yeah here i am , back to write the "exciting" events of my life. i visited all my realtives, well almost all of them within a week and i had a lot of fun, of course they were all interested in what i did a whole year in nebraska etc. so i had to talk a lot until i had no spit left in my mouth, exhausting!!!!!!!!!
on my way back from darmstadt, where i had visited my grandparents, there was a very good looking man (20 years old?)and he was sitting on a benge and got up to make room for my grandparents but of cousre my grandma has to stand and by doing so she tries to proof that she is not that old yet, not so old to get a spot on a bank (insider with krystle: i mean benge but in german bank for money and sitting is both written bank, so it happened that i said let's sit down at that bank over there, well...)offered. well, that friendly man came to me at frankfurt train station where i had to switch trains and he wanted to get to know me and we exchanged our telephone numbers and e-mail adresses, well never ever did a guy walk up to me and wanted my adress, i feel so euphoric!!!! even though the whole thing won't work out for he lives in centreal and i in northern germany.
love niko

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